How to Construct the Perfect Pop Song:

What's the formula? Who's writing these songs?

            I was aimlessly scrolling the internet one day when I came upon an interesting article; "20 Hit Songs Meant for Other Singers". As a musician, this type of article grabbed my attention because musicians are always trying to gain extra trivia knowledge to stump their friends. I clicked on the article and quickly learned that the ever-so-catchy, "Umbrella", by the pop star Rihanna, was actually meant to be sung by Britney Spears. This perplexed me, not because I didn't understand that pop music's filled with ghostwriters, record label demands, and producers, but because I thought a singer like Rihanna would have had at least a little creative input on her wildly famous song. The article basically showcased the "behind the scenes" trading of prepared songs ready for someone to make them famous, without writing one note or one lyric. So intrigued by the article, I decided to look into just whom was actually writing the songs that play every car ride. On top of that, I decided to take a look into the music theory behind these songs. I'd always been aware of the "4 chord" pop song with the Verse-Chorus-Bridge structure, but I wanted to test just how many of the most popular songs were structured the exact same way. From this inspiration, I devised the question; "What's the formula to a perfect pop song? and Who is actually writing these songs?".

            The Billboard Hot 100 is the most commonly used list when it comes to indentifying America's top songs. I went here to find the current #1 song in the nation, which turned out to be "The Monster" by rapper Eminem, featuring the previously mentioned Rihanna. To start, I gathered the songs chord progression from Ultimate Guitar.com, B Minor-A Major-G Major (Bm-A-G). The other information gathered for the track included the Beats Per Minute (BPM) of 110, the length of the song (4:10) and finally the genre, Hip Hop. Next, it was time to find out who wrote this track. Was it another "Umbrella" case? In the end, "The Monster" was written by Eminem...but alongside 6 others. Rihanna, the featured star, was not among the other writers. It's surprising to see so many co-writers on a track that uses a basic structure and 3 chords. In order to follow up my research, I then went back to the Billboard Hot 100 and studied the same details in each of the #1 songs, dating all the way back to the beginning of 2011. In total, there have been 35 #1 songs in America since 2011, and each one was not too much different than the next.

            The chord progression of Bm-A-G was not rare, as it showed up in 3 more #1 songs since 2011. In fact, Rihanna's song "Diamonds" simply switched those chords around and had a progression of G-Bm-A. Once again, Rihanna was not part of the writing process of this song, which had 4 other people writing it. Another song with these chords was "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus, which has a progression of Bm-D-A-G, the same as "The Monster", only adding a D Major Chord. "Wrecking Ball" also ended up on the list of songs that had no input from the artist in the writing process. It was written by 5 people, and not at all by Cyrus.  Other songs that were written 100% by others and not the artist include, "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson who had 4 others write her song, "We Found Love" by Rihanna who had 1 person hand her the song, "S&M" by Rihanna featuring Britney Spears was written by 4 others, and finally "Hold It Against Me" by Britney Spears was written by 4 others and not Spears. In conclusion, both Rihanna and Britney Spears have not contributed to writing any of their top hits within the past 3 years.

            Only 6 of the 35 top songs were written solely by other ghostwriters, but only 4 of the 35 were written solely by the artist with no help from other sources. Ironically, one of these songs is "Blurred Lines", the controversial song by Robin Thicke, T.I, and Pharrell. However, the list is dominated by songs that have multiple other writers. The biggest case is in the recent song, "Timber" by Pitbull featuring Ke$ha, which uses 9 other writers besides themselves totaling 11 writers for one song.

            "Timber" also has the lists most common chord progression of Em-G-D-C. Variations of these same four chords appear in 7 other songs on the list. Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" has the progression of C-G-D-Em and clocks in at 3 minutes and 12 seconds. Similarly, Carly Rae Jepsen's, "Call Me Maybe" has the chords C-G-Em-D, which is almost identical and clocks in at just a second more, 3 minutes and 13 seconds. The other songs that had almost identical chord progressions include, "Just Give Me a Reason" By Pink. As well as, "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5.  Another common progression, Am-C-G-F, was used in 7 songs as well. Two of these songs, "We Found Love" and "Somebody that I used to Know" by Gotye, not only had the same chords, but clocked in only 2 seconds apart and only 1 BPM different from each other. Although these two songs sound nothing alike, the same four chords have created a pop song that tops charts.

            As far as the timing of songs go, the shortest song proved to be "Royals" by Lorde at 3:10 and the longest was "Someone Like You" by Adele at 4:47. There is over a minute difference between the two tracks, but this disparity was not common with the median songs. "Roar" by Katy Perry is 3:42 and "Wrecking Ball" is 3:41. "Hold It Against Me" is 3:49 and "Firework" by Katy Perry is 3:48. "Part of Me" by Perry and "We Found Love" are almost the same song, both clocking in at 3:35. Both tracks have the same chords of Am-F-C-G and BPM's of 130 and 128 respectively. Both songs are also described as "Dance Pop".

            So what does this all mean? Well, to most it doesn't mean much, "I don't really pay attention to the structure or details like that" says 19 year old radio listener Nick Almieda. Most audience members share the same view, including critics and music reviewers. Despite Miley Cyrus being absent in writing her song "Wrecking Ball", Jon Dolan of Rolling Stone commented on the song calling it, "great coming of age pop".  The same goes for every other song that has topped the charts over the years.

            In conclusion, I found my answers to my two questions. I originally asked, "Who's Writing these songs?" and although there's not one common name that pops up more often than others, the conclusion is that #1 songs are not solo efforts. They are written by at least 2 or three others and at most there's a double digit number of writers. As far as the formula to a perfect pop song goes, I'd say either grab the chords, G-D-Em-C or Am-F-C-G to begin with. Next, have a BPM of around 130 and have your song be about 3 minutes 40 seconds long. For the genre, the most occurring sound of "Dance Pop" is the best bet. There are many ways to make 4 chords, basic beats and structures work differently. Pop singers and the ghostwriters know all the tricks to making them successful.  

Sean Mathews

F

1/8/13

SELF DEPRECATION

            Sean Mathews? Yeah, the kid with the same stupid flippy haircut he’s had since the 7^th grade? Does he even wash it? Probably not. After all, he certainly doesn’t wash that same pair of girly skinny jeans that he wears literally every day. And while we’re on the topic of appearance, what do his shirts even mean? Like, “Pianos Become the Teeth”? What the hell kind of stupid band is that? And “Modern Life Is War”? Is that some kind of pathetic attempt at being dark and depressing? It might’ve worked if you weren’t the kind that wears tight jeans and beat up moccasins 24/7. I mean seriously, last year the kid wore a pair of slippers that had a 3 inch hole all year long. Like, ever heard of sneakers? You know…Jordan’s? Nike? Something that actually cost you more than 12 dollars at Target? The kid is so anti-social too. Have you ever seen him in the hallways? Head down, dressed in black, flipping his hair every few seconds for maximum teen angst effect. He used to be popular too! Like in middle school he was the punk kid that left school and got suspended, stole a school lunch and got away with it, and passed in a blank quiz one time! Whatever happened to the sociable Sean Mathews? I hear he got voted Wallflower in the yearbook this year. That’s funny. You know what a wallflower is? It’s a shy or unpopular person, like that kid in that book that no one read for the one book/one school last year. Honestly, he probably read it. The kids almost become a nerd. But he’s like…not even a nerd. I’m pretty sure he tries to take AP classes but can’t even pass in his homework on time. I’m pretty sure he just sits in class and writes “emotional” poetry. He’s in some stupid “screamo” band that he apparently does for fun on the weekends. Like, bro, go to a party or something. How about you not be friends only with kids that live hours away? Sean claims that his sick screaming band, which is called “Pathfinder”, is doing well. But on the real…what the heck is he even saying in his songs? Literally can’t even understand a word he screams. Also, his band name is lame. Literally there’s a car, a movie, an RPG video game, and I’m pretty sure another band all named Pathfinder. And by the way, stop posting “Come to my band’s show!” literally every day on the internet. No one cares about your dumb band. Hmm what else? Oh, literally he works as a Janitor at Roche Bros. Nice one. Who wants to be a janitor? Like this kids life is literally taking out trash, cleaning bathrooms, and screaming into a microphone. I heard from his friends that he’s never on time, he never answers his phone, and his car is filled with trash. I even heard that his trunk is literally filled with trash. Also, drink some more mountain dew why don’t you? All that caffeine definitively doesn’t make you energetic that’s for sure. How can someone be so dull and anti-social? Like maybe you should literally get a smart phone? Like I remember when Flip phones were cool in the 5^th grade LOL. Maybe if you had a better phone you’d be less of a wallflower! Like, he literally just got an Instgram. I bet he spends time reading poetry instead. He probably listens to recorded poetry too, along with his other scream bands. I bet the kid doesn’t even know who Robin Thicke is! Literally, he used to be athletic too. I’m pretty sure he made the JV baseball team freshman year but quit because he chose to get a job. Like, what a waste of talent. He should go play track or something. I mean, he’s scrawny enough to be a good runner. The kid’s just skin and bones. He tries to show it off with his stupid tight pants. He used to be taller than everyone too. Like, the kid hit puberty before anyone. In the 6^th grade he already had his deep mumbling voice that you can’t even understand. He also already had his sad excuse for a mustache and goatee in middle school. Does he think that passes as legit facial hair? I can’t even.  Now he’s average height, still inaudible, and continues to forget to shave regularly. I’m pretty sure he’s like 19? Like, bro, didn’t you stay back in Pre-School? Wasn’t it because you didn’t draw arms on your stick figures? Literally so funny. Sean Mathews? Yeah I know him. He’s just a flower on the wall.

           

            

Examples of album reviews

Favorable

RAP

EMINEM- THE MARSHALL MATHERS LP2 by Jon Dolan of Rolling Stone Magazine

The Marshall Mathers LP 2 is the kind of sequel that gets people shouting at the screen in disbelief before their seats are warmed up. The first song, "Bad Guy," is seven white-knuckled minutes of psycho-rap insanity in which Stan's little brother comes back to chop Slim Shady into Slim Jims, tossing him into the trunk and driving around Detroit – listening to The Marshall Mathers LP, of course. "How's this for publicity stunt? This should be fun/Last album now, 'cause after this you'll be officially done," Em raps, playing his own killer.

Eminem could use a publicity stunt, and The Marshall Mathers LP 2 is just what the therapist ordered. During the 13 years since The Marshall Mathers LP, he's never lost his acrobat-gremlin skills on the mic. But some subsequent albums felt hermetic, perverting rage into rock-star griping on 2004's Encore, horror-show shock tactics on 2009's Relapseand 12-step purging on 2010's Recovery. The Marshall Mathers LP 2 is about reclaiming a certain freewheeling buoyancy, about pissing off the world from a more open, less cynical place; he even says sorry to his mom on "Headlights," where he's joined by Nate Ruess of fun.

Nostalgia is everywhere. Em surrounds himself in allusions to classic hip-hop, like the Beastie Boys samples producer Rick Rubin laces together on "Berzerk." It's telling that the only guest MC is Kendrick Lamar on "Love Game," probably because his slippery syllable-juggling owes a lot to Eminem.

Yet Em's former obsession – his own media image – has been replaced with a 41-year-old's cranky concerns. He's still a solipsistic cretin, but in a more general, everyday sort of way. He raps about how he can't figure out how to download Luda on his computer and waves the Nineties-geek flag with references to Jeffrey Dahmer and the Unabomber. He's playing his best character: the demon spawn of Trailer Hell, America, hitting middle age with his middle finger up his nose while he cleans off the Kool-Aid his kids spilled on the couch.

Much of the album hews to the stark beats and melodies he loves rapping over. But the tracks that lean on classic rock are loopy and hilarious. "Rhyme or Reason" brilliantly flips a sample of the Zombies' "Time of the Season"; when the song asks, "Who's your daddy," Em answers, "I don't have one/My mother reproduced like a Komodo dragon." "So Far . . ." shows some love for a Rust Belt homey by rhyming over Joe Walsh's "Life's Been Good": "Jed Clampett, Fred Sanford, welfare mentality helps to/Keep me grounded, that's why I never take full advantage of wealth/I managed to dwell within these perimeters/Still cramming the shelves full of Hamburger Helper/I can't even help it, this is the hand I was dealt to."

MM LP 2 fits in well in the year of Yeezus and Magna Carta . . . Holy Grail, records by aging geniuses trying to figure out what the hell to do with their dad-ass selves. (It's like hip-hop is the new Wilco or something.) Since Em has always been a mess, he'll probably still be able to give us pause when he's rhyming about retirement ventures through dentures and cleaning out the colostomy bag he wears up inside his saggy drawers. MM LP 3, 2026. Let's do this.

ROCK

BALANCE AND COMPOSURE: THE THINGS WE THINK WE'RE MISSING

This is it.

A group of young, talented musicians have managed to resurrect the highlights of 90s grunge/alt rock while simultaneously building on the fundamentals of their authentic sound to create a simply jaw-dropping release. 

Balance & Composure have been at it for a few years now, particularly with the success of their highly lauded debut album,Separation [2011]. The band’s history and seasoned discography displays their lyrical and musical growth since their inception. What we can hope is that their sophomore album is the push they needed to acquire the full-time highly acclaimed musician status they so well deserve. 

There was a load of anticipation building up to the new record - not only as a direct result of their impressive discography and energetic live shows. Collectively, let us all admit that we lost our shit when B&C released, "Reflection," because the track is one of the best songs they have ever written, both lyrically and musically. There’s not much else to say besides that - just listen to it and see for yourself. To generalize, this record is, by far, their best work to date.

The jam "Parachutes" gets the momentum started on The Things We Think We’re Missing. The track is not the bouncy, blood-pumping, “HEY! LET’S GO!” introductory song that is so typical of modern rock albums. In fact, "Parachutes" is parallel to "Living Together," the opening track to Circa Survive’s, On Letting Go [2007]. (Psst! Anthony Green makes a guest appearance on "Keepsake" and it is fantastic). Both tracks have a singled-out guitar part that plays at a slightly different tempo or rhythm to the rest of the instruments at times, and their peaks rest in the infectious rhythms as well as their strong vocalists; in B&C’s case, vocalist/guitarist Jon Simmons emits such blood-curdling screams on "Parachutes" and throughout the record that they will make any listener quake in their shoes.

The band has worked with an army of acclaimed music producers and engineers to make the great work of The Things We Think We’re Missing even greater. Their team consisted of experts who have worked with the likes of Sunny Day Real Estate, Title Fight, Smashing Pumpkins, and the Foo Fighters. So, it's no wonder that the record is adorned with classic B&C sounds meshed with some 90s alt rock curb appeal.

Two songs on TTWTWM that are very frank in the 90s rock influenced part of the record are "Back of Your Head" and "Notice Me." What starts as a slow, eerie, looming destruction feeling coming from a single guitar and the tone of Simmons’ laments quickly adjusts to an enticing grungy beat, accompanied with semi-lax lead vocals overlapping some background screams of the same lyrics. "Back of Your Head"continues to dwell in that dark undertone territory while holding onto the jumpy tempo throughout, while Simmons’ gutsy delivery of, “All you wanted was that feeling/All you wanted was that spark to glow and never fade away,” lingers in your thoughts well after the song ends. Now if you don’t listen to, "Notice Me"and immediately recognize some Nirvana influences within the first twenty seconds, you need to find a time portal and transport back to the 90’s, and just stay there. There is a ton of B&C and Nirvana stylings intertwined in this song; to put it simply, consider the idea of Nevermind’s "Lounge Act" and "Drain You"hooking up with Balance’s "Patience," and "Notice Me" is the result. To top it off, Simmons’ aggressive growls in the song’s final forty seconds will give you irreversible goosebumps and most likely haunt your deepest dreams.

"Cut Me Open" is more familiar with the B&C sound we all know and adore, with its driving guitars and heavy drums. Suddenly there is a pause, as the song dips into something that seems like it will evolve into a chant or gang vocals. Then you actually listen to it and hear Simmons vocalizing the words, “God save us men/Cut by jagged edge/Fall to your knees...” in a way that is reminiscent of a spiritual. The drums and vocals together make it feel like you are undergoing a religious experience, while the intricate guitar chords and arpeggios are genuine Balance and Composure. Songs like "I’m Swimming" and"When I Come Undone" display easily recognizable B&C melodies while introducing some dark alternative guitar tones similar to the likes of 3 Doors Down, Daylight, and The Dangerous Summer. "Dirty Head" stands out significantly on this record, but not in a way that causes a break in the continuity of sound and melodies. The track features Simmons and a single acoustic guitar, most likely recorded in one take by the sounds of it. The song feels sad and heavy-hearted, and is in a key that I’m sure most funeral hymns are written in. But it is the feeling of hearing Simmons’ emotional delivery within the lyrics and guitar playing that makes this track so powerful.

Not only is every song on The Things We Think We’re Missing completely remarkable, even for the high standards Balance and Composure have set for themselves, but the album is free-flowing from one track to the next. A lot of bands in the alt rock scene have released their sophomore record in 2013, and a lot of those bands have succeeded in avoiding the dreaded “sophomore slump” that plagues a few disappointing musicians each year. But Balance and Composure have created not only one of 2013’s best sophomore albums, but one of the year’s best alt rock records period. At this point, the only direction is up for Balance and Composure, because they have certainly displayed their potential at being astounding musicians with this record.

4.5/5

Melissa Jones

MIXED

POP

Lady Gaga- Artpop

Lady Gaga is at her peak when she's playing the neon queen of all the world's outcasts. And with her constant prodding, her Little Monsters have filled the biggest big tent in modern pop. But in the five years since Stefani Germanotta's arrival, weird has become the currency that overwhelmingly fuels pop culture – from seapunk Tumblrs to American Horror Story. So for Gaga to stay on top in 2013, she has to keep cranking up the cray.

For better and for worse, Artpop meets the mandate. It's a bizarre album of squelchy disco (plus a handful of forays into R&B) that aspires to link gallery culture and radio heaven, preferring concepts to choruses. It's sexual but not sexy, filled with bitchy fashion designers and one-liners like "Uranus/Don't you know my ass is famous?" and "Touch me, touch me, don't be sweet/Love me, love me, please retweet." Gaga wants us to believe the LP was inspired by Marina Abramović, Jeff Koons and Sandro Botticelli; at its best, it sounds like it was creatively directed by RuPaul, Dr. Ruth, and Beavis and Butt-Head.

Artpop opens with four tracks of thumping futuresex/lovesounds where Gaga vows to lay her intentions, and body, naked. She cops a drag queen's arch humor on intergalactic journey "Venus," examines sex and power on gothy grinder "G.U.Y" (which stands for "girl under you"), and woos a lover whose "boyfriend was away this weekend" on the slinky "Sexxx Dreams." Yes, we can read her poker face.

But just as Artpop gets into a groove of high-tech Pop&B, her creative impulses splinter. She plays hook girl for Too $hort, Twista and T.I.'s thugged-up, self-parodic "Jewels N' Drugs" and falls for her own cutesy wordplay on the glammy "MANiCURE." The Rick Rubin-produced "Dope" is a turgid ballad about the slippery slopes of romance and drugs that lunges for Elton John and crash-lands near Meat Loaf.

Gaga's previous albums – 2008's electro-pop romp The Fame and its brilliant follow-up EP, The Fame Monster, and 2011's inventively nostalgic Born This Way – were largely the result of partnerships with producers RedOne and Fernando Garibay. Paul "DJ White Shadow" Blair worked on most of Artpop, but there's a pile-up of names in the credits including Zedd, Madeon, David Guetta, Infected Mushroom and Will.i.am. In the past two years, Gaga has split from her longtime stylist/choreographer and manager and canceled a world tour to recover from a serious hip injury. Could Artpop simply be a distraction obscuring the drama behind the curtain?

Ironically, Gaga redeems the LP with a pair of tracks that strip away the artifice in favor of plain sentiment: "Do What U Want," a spectacularly growly and groovy R. Kelly duet, and "Gypsy," an Eighties-style anthem where Gaga admits her love of performing and love of love often clash. "I don't want to be alone forever, but I love gypsy life," she sings without abandon. Neither track is subtle, but they work because they weren't born from the chilly conceit that art and pop need an arranged marriage to get busy.

-Caryn Ganz

INDIE

Sigur Rios- Inni

As Iceland's premier atmospheric rockers, Sigur Rós understand delayed gratification, andInni -- a double live album (plus live DVD) -- is a master class in geologically paced, ethereally pretty buildups. Capturing all but one song of a November 2008 London set, it's also an exercise in downturn-era austerity: no strings or brass, just the classic four-piece lineup. Still, with xylophone, piano, and even piccolo to complement frontman Jonsi's bowed guitar and angelic vocals, the songs, drawn from each of the band's albums, soar. After three-plus years without fresh Sigur Rós material, though, the real treat is the contemplatively buzzing, ambient finale "Lúppulagid" -- an honest-to-goodness new song.

- Marc Hogan

Negative

METAL

Avenged Sevenfold- Hail to the King

Since the release of Death Magnetic, news on a new Metallica album has been pretty quiet. Heavy touring has kept fans from frothing at the mouth, but every year takes a little more out of the average ‘tallica devotee. While Death Magnetic held a few strong songs, there was hope that with the next record they could combine their old aggression with a little more honest songwriting. What we all failed to realize is that they would just completely disregard writing anything with a bite or a fuing pulse, and here we are left with Hail to the King.

While Metallica tried to reclaim some semblance of their early days with their past records,HttK sounds like a cover band trying to replicate The Black Album. Beginning with album opener “Shepherd of Fire” right on through closer “Acid Rain” there is an incredible lack of anything resembling ‘energy’ (and an apparent fascination with song titles relating to burning/sexually transmitted diseases). Hetfield’s voice seems to have regained some punch, but that punch belongs to the front man of a scene mallcore band apparently, as he sounds more pussified than ever before. The riffs don’t fare much better, as Hetfield and Hammet’s guitar playing has become so by the numbers they make the riffs from “Sad But True” sound like they could have come from Kill Em All.

I really wanted to use this space to talk about how great the solos are, but it’s post “One” Metallica. Yeah. You get it.

Since they deemed it unnecessary to write anything of note, I guess we can delve into a deep lyrical analysis of the album. I use the word “analysis” only because it contains the word “anal”, and despite this album holding almost zero lyrical depth it definitely fills your ears with post-coital shit. While neither storytelling nor imagery was ever a strong point with the band, at least they used to put on the pretense of trying. The first lyric on the title track is “Watch your tongue I'll have it cut from your head/Save your life by keeping whispers unsaid” while the next line is “Children roam the streets now orphans of war/Bodies hanging in the streets to adore”. Let’s have a brain exercise: try and figure out what thefuck those two lyrics could mean together. I’ll give you a minute. I’ll go grab a sandwich while you try and work it out.

If you ended up sitting in your chair, head lazily bobbing to the side with your tongue lolling out, congratulations, you have begun to feel what it is to listen to Hail to the King. It’s as if Metallica decided to try and court the 16 year old post-mall goth crowd with a bunch of inane Black Veil Bride like lyrics, while adding in a bit of Avenged Sevenfold-lite songwriting. The question will eternally remain as to why the former kings of thrash decided to try and emulate the bands who emulated them, but hey, at least this is Metallica via Avenged Sevenfold via Metallica and not Metallica via Trivium via Metallica, right?

POP PUNK

Real Friends- Put Yourself Back Together

If I may, I’d like to pose a question that’s been on the minds of one side of Real Friends’ divided fanbase regarding Put Yourself Back Together: what the hell happened? The EP essentially takes the group’s stellar release Everyone That Dragged You Here and dumbs down the vibrant pop-punk sound present there, while keeping with exactly what worked in the lyrics department. Focusing in on the lyrics for a moment, they’re unfortunately just about as formulaic as they come. Maybe I’m being a bit cynical, but if vocalist Dan Lambton is so broken after a toxic relationship with an unnamed person, there are more constructive ways to get rid of the angst than yelling about said person on every fucking track on the EP. The lyrical content, unsurprisingly, begins to grate about halfway through the first listen. What’s more, the phrase “bony knees,” already starting to wear thin from repeated use, is utilized on no fewer than three different choruses in three different songs over the course of the release.

Combined with the cookie-cutter music, the lyrics fall even flatter. It would be one thing if the band could pull an Everyone That Dragged You Here again - that is, interesting structures, upbeat and catchy music, and a variegated sound that never really gets old. However, the vocals don’t fit over the rest of the music as well as they have in the past, and end up detracting from instead of complementing the guitars and drums. Also, while every song on Everyone That Dragged You Here was memorable, all seven songs on Put Yourself Back Together blend into each other, save for the excellent “Dirty Water,” the one song which takes a lesson from what worked in “Home For Fall” without sounding too much like a carbon copy. Sure, everything here is upbeat and can be construed as “fun,” but that alone can’t do much for the health of the release.

So, re-posing my earlier question: what the hell happened? Real Friends proved they could make an exhilarating 15 minutes worth of music with Everyone That Dragged You Here. However, everything on Put Yourself Back Together is derivative, cookie-cutter, and two-dimensional. There are so many possible answers to what went wrong. The band could be still hung up on a relationship that ended badly, so much that they can’t write anything about something else. They could have gotten lucky with their previous work, akin to countless artists in the industry, and were unable to replicate their success. They could have just made a colossal misstep, one they will hopefully rectify with their next release. Or, the most terrifying possibility, the band may have gotten lazy. They might have seen something that worked to the umpteenth degree and decided to continue on with that, knowing full well that many of their fans would soak it all in as if it were sliced bread. And, judging by the group’s divided fanbase, the last option might not be too far from the truth.
-Will Robinson

Holiday Spending

The Holiday season is a time of giving, and apparently, giving means spending. In 2012, the average family spent $854 on Christmas gifts. To most, this number is far too much and I’m guessing that the majority of these families didn't realize how much they spent until afterwards. I think this is important because it shows how people, for once, aren't conscious about their money. With the economy the way it is, people are stingy with their money more than ever. I think it’s very relieving to see that the average family is still willing to spend on the people that they care about. It’s easy to take a step back and look at the staggering 135.16 billion spent on Christmas in 2010 and laugh at the excessive nature of our country, but giving gifts is not necessarily excessive. Giving a gift is an act of love, appreciation, and gratitude. The friendly atmosphere of the Christmas season is priceless, even if that price is high. Now, every cent spent on Christmas is not a financially wise investment. The 13.24 billion spent on cards and the 13.34 billion spent on decorations are absurdly high numbers. Those are the numbers that characterize society’s excess. Giving gifts is a pastime that shows love between friends and family, sending cards and decorating doesn't have the same value.

Summer Response

The structure of the traditional school schedule is being challenged due to America's concern with our academic performance versus the rest of the world.  Some journalists such as David Von Drehle have proposed that summer vacation is the problem. Drehle accuses summer as "a season of boredom, inactivity, and isolation". He goes on to explain how Summer is a time of learning loss for low income students, "while low income students slip as many as three months in reading comprehension compared with middle income students". However, Drehle doesn't seem to offer an alternate plan and instead relies on research, "first documented in 1906" that states the obvious; that low income families are at a disadvantage. Somehow, Drehle feels that providing basic facts about the economy, he can make "a case against summer vacation" when in reality, he's only creating a case against Capitalistic America. Fixing school schedules is a social issue that will be talked about forever, but the problem is no solution is being propose and arguments such as Drehle's fall sort of offering incriminating evidence against traditional vacations.

Hawaii Woman with 40-Character Surname Not Allowed License, Vote

Lokelani Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili, a young Hawaiian woman, was not issued a license or identification by the Kauai County government because of her 40-character surname. The county could not fit the woman’s full last name on a license card, much less her first name or middle initial. Deciding not to issue her any license or identification at all, Kauai County found itself a victim of its own indiscretion when Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili was pulled over for a routine traffic stop and was promptly taken to the town’s police station for driving without any form of license or identification, despite her protests that she was denied identification due to her lengthy surname. The county realized that they had denied license and ID because of the length of her surname, and Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili also claimed that she had been denied the right to vote for the same reason as her arrest: no form of license or identification. The indiscretion has since been corrected and Lokelani Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili is now a fully licensed, registered citizen of Kauai County, as well as an easily identifiable citizen thanks to her impressive last name.

Company that sends stuffed animals on vacation is launched

A company in Tokyo is sending stuffed animals on vacation. The business is run by a 38 year old woman who feels that providing vacations for stuffed animals is therapeutic for people who can’t experience vacations for themselves. Apparently, clients who aren’t able to afford vacations or have disabilities are often relieved when they receive pictures of their plush toy in the center of Tokyo, or other landmarks. The best part is the cost of sending your stuffed animal around Japan is only about $50.